Starting over

Over a year has gone by.. Over a year with hospitals guys family fights and god knows what.. I realised I had missed blogging when I saw my childhood friend post her blog, I always use to blog as my own way of just getting everything out. For people who do not know this my past 2 years have been a bit of a mountain which never seemd to end.
And the past  few mohts have been extra hard a few weeks ago more like a few months now, my life went pretty much straight to hell and it got to the point where I couldnt eat or sleep for days. Thank god that my aunt was there to lift the 200 pound rock of my chest, and by that my life moved on. 

The past 2 weeks the stress has been creeping up on me again, and instead of dealing with it I have been trying to out run it.. Bad move Mia bad move. As I was standing on a cliff on my mountain without end (apperently there was a end after all ey) something happend something I still dont understand and my safety net was gone, and I started falling. The next few days that were going to follow have been the worst in.. I don't even know how long, today I'm on my 3rd day without much eating nor sleeping I got 2 hours today and it feels really shitty, atleast last night I got 5 hours which was good since social service was coming today.

 And I have realised that if it's something that really hurts my soul it's when people say 'You are so strong I don't understand how you do it' It makes me feel like a victim which I guess I WAS but I'm not so people please..And about the other stuff that has been going on? I guess it's karma I must have done something really shitty and there for hit bottom. It doesnt really bother me anymore though because as I woke up from my 2 hours of sleep I searched for someone to talk to, just have a normal conversation.. 

Let's just say not many people are awake at 6am for some reason. As I was looking who was online on Skype I ended up getting comfort from an unexpected place.. I got comfort from Minh ( Yes that is his name) And he was trying to figure out different foods I could try eating and just being a darling, it didnt take many minutes before I broke down completely (not that he would know that over Skype) and after a few sobbfull moments I felt good.. In fact at peace I fell asleep for around 10 min and after that I havnt been able to sleep.

 I hope I will be able to pass out later today for a few hours so my body doesnt feel so tired. Other than that I have realized the people I once use to trust I have now grown to hate, and the people I had lost all hope in I trust now. Life is funny that way isnt it. I think the worst part about all of this is that I have lost the trust for all of my old friends.. 



To be honest I feel that I have out grown them that doesnt feel good either, it's kinda lonely. And after writing all this I feel somewhat better, maybe this is what I need. Getting it out there instead of keeping it in. I guess I'm still sad that I'm left with only a hand off of people to trust and no one I can fully share everything with.. Not yet anyway..  Thank you Minh for being here always even if you are abit weird, you gave something no one else could, I love you.

Es war nicht so gemeint, kannst du mir vergeben? Ich werde es nie mehr tun!