RAWR LUNCH!

I had a super long lunch today! I don't know why but I have felt really, really tired today I think it's the weather. Half the day done and the other half will be done soon! Tomorrow I shall have lunch with the very best and some hopfully new friends. Thursday off really feels good after that I wont have a day off until 3/7 Learn work live die? Time just flies by looking at my schedual half is already done... Where did the time go? I have not really been doing much else Work Eat Work Eat Play Some RO Workout Shower Sleep repeat WEWEPWS I shall name that a new language. I wish the sun would come back too.. Rain sucks here especially when working.. That's Swedish summer for yah =/ Oh well time to get back to work Baai people!

Karma?

Going to be a short input today about karma. Last week around this time things were not going to well and now everything is perfect XD! I got my job fixed, sexiest guy around and everything is finished with social service :D What more could a girl ask for? Now I'm gonna eat my awesome spare ribs and then get some sleep have a great weekend everyone ;3!

YAWN

Gawd I'm so tired ;-;. It's been some weird and wonderfull couple of days xD At the moment I could pretty much be the queen of the world that's how good I have been feeling the past two days. There has been someone there who I thought I had lost forver ;x, and I have pretty much been on clouds since then! Well my sleeping schedual is not really good when I go to bed at 4 pm and wake up at 11pm! But other than that everything is perfect, and I'm really starting to see a light in the tunnel you know? Looking back at the last few days of stress and shit I actually feel abit mad.. Mad at myself for not taking care of it straight away



Tomorrow I got a job interview for a job that I have been actually searching for, since erm 2 years back? As for now it's just a summer job.. But if things go great it's going to be one of those hour / we call when we need you jobs! BUT ALL IS BETTER THAN NOTHING! After that we will see where the life brings us I got no plans to rush anything, baby steps! other than that I shall just Enjoy my RO, taking care of myself and be around the people I love! > Is the cutest bird on earth by the way my wonderfull Tuki <3

Take care people and thanks for always being here <3

Starting over

Over a year has gone by.. Over a year with hospitals guys family fights and god knows what.. I realised I had missed blogging when I saw my childhood friend post her blog, I always use to blog as my own way of just getting everything out. For people who do not know this my past 2 years have been a bit of a mountain which never seemd to end.
And the past  few mohts have been extra hard a few weeks ago more like a few months now, my life went pretty much straight to hell and it got to the point where I couldnt eat or sleep for days. Thank god that my aunt was there to lift the 200 pound rock of my chest, and by that my life moved on. 

The past 2 weeks the stress has been creeping up on me again, and instead of dealing with it I have been trying to out run it.. Bad move Mia bad move. As I was standing on a cliff on my mountain without end (apperently there was a end after all ey) something happend something I still dont understand and my safety net was gone, and I started falling. The next few days that were going to follow have been the worst in.. I don't even know how long, today I'm on my 3rd day without much eating nor sleeping I got 2 hours today and it feels really shitty, atleast last night I got 5 hours which was good since social service was coming today.

 And I have realised that if it's something that really hurts my soul it's when people say 'You are so strong I don't understand how you do it' It makes me feel like a victim which I guess I WAS but I'm not so people please..And about the other stuff that has been going on? I guess it's karma I must have done something really shitty and there for hit bottom. It doesnt really bother me anymore though because as I woke up from my 2 hours of sleep I searched for someone to talk to, just have a normal conversation.. 

Let's just say not many people are awake at 6am for some reason. As I was looking who was online on Skype I ended up getting comfort from an unexpected place.. I got comfort from Minh ( Yes that is his name) And he was trying to figure out different foods I could try eating and just being a darling, it didnt take many minutes before I broke down completely (not that he would know that over Skype) and after a few sobbfull moments I felt good.. In fact at peace I fell asleep for around 10 min and after that I havnt been able to sleep.

 I hope I will be able to pass out later today for a few hours so my body doesnt feel so tired. Other than that I have realized the people I once use to trust I have now grown to hate, and the people I had lost all hope in I trust now. Life is funny that way isnt it. I think the worst part about all of this is that I have lost the trust for all of my old friends.. 



To be honest I feel that I have out grown them that doesnt feel good either, it's kinda lonely. And after writing all this I feel somewhat better, maybe this is what I need. Getting it out there instead of keeping it in. I guess I'm still sad that I'm left with only a hand off of people to trust and no one I can fully share everything with.. Not yet anyway..  Thank you Minh for being here always even if you are abit weird, you gave something no one else could, I love you.

Es war nicht so gemeint, kannst du mir vergeben? Ich werde es nie mehr tun!

Sleep for the weak?

Yesterday was one of the better day's of my life and one of the most nervous nights >< I don't see how I shall be able to sleep for the next two weeks. Last night we booked everything 2 Weeks in Alvesta shall be awesome close to everything and everyone. Before I booked the tickets we took turn in taking naps some more then others but does it matter when someone is so sweet and gentle soft and kind. Today I'm gonna start making a packing list eg sunglasses 2489 battery's for my mp3 charger for the phone etc. Worst thing about being this nervous is the lack of sleep.. I always have trouble doing things like this..
 I remember when I were going to Japan I slept for 1-2 hours that night had a cold shower in the morning and then slept about 30 min on that 14 hours flight hopfully I will sleep alot on the train. During my 4389 hour shower today, as I let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday I started thinking about joy happiness something I have been feel alot of the past days I supose I got you to thank for being able to sleep at all during the night <3

Speaking of speaking Skype is freaking retarded I remember being able to talk to L for 40-50 hours... Now?
15 hours then we need to recall >.< And now it's even in the same country.. Retarded skype I do have to say it has been nice having the whole weekend to just us though and I know we will have many more of these days to come which is kinda funny really as it makes me appreciate the time we have alone more and more and the funny part being -> Ive had more alone time with you in one week than Ive had with most people in months.. Last night it started coming to me which friends I've lost because of this and it hurts me really as the person whom I belived would ALWAYS have my back the way I had his..


Is the one who has hurt me the most and taken the biggest step away from me.. I had always been honest to him always told him what I knew in order for him not to get hurt.. In return he didn't trust me but it's alright I forgave him.. Now when it's me who needed him, what I get is lies and bullshit I only got one thing to say to that Tack Du.

I know damn well how you think but there is one thing I should make clear, you choose your friends and you choose who you hang out with.
From being so close to where we are
today when its obvious you're lying to my face it's just.. you can't be serious but it's alright I will leave you alone and when truth comes out once again stick with your choice and don't try coming back to me because this time you have lost me forever it's one thing to not beliving in me when saying something about a loved one but for you to lie straight to my face like you did.. Fuck it there are more fish in the sea and I will not stand for it so there you have it.. Good bye my old friend and I hope you're happy with your choice I know I am as he makes me happier then I've been in a long time I hope you can say the same baai ;3